The Other Side Of The Coin

I don’t read Maxim. Neither does Ryan…for that matter
But…I happened across a copy of the July 2007 edition recently.
After flipping through it I think I’ll call Maxim “Cosmo” for men…and now I know how the guys feel about Cosmo…or at least in some respects.
Maxim magazine, like Cosmo is filled mostly with ads ( but featuring hot girls), pics (but featuring hot girls) and a few sports and health tips (instead of Cosmo’s fashion and make up tips…and Maxim features hot girls)…just to round it off.
Okay…I’m not being completely fair…there are a few articles too. And as I flipped through I noticed one that was of particular interest to me.
It’s entitled “Woman’s Mags” and it’s a guys guide to deciphering what women are thinking BUT also poking fun at women’s magazines that are trying to decipher men.
This caught my interest because I have always laughed to myself when reading an advice column that generalizes men…I wonder how I would feel having my actions and words translated?
The article poses 6 statements/questions that women make and then goes on to show the reader what article we’ve read to make us say or ask them and then how men are to deal with it. For the sake of length I’m going to pick three of these questions…randomly (honest!) and see just how accurate I think Maxim is. I’ll even keep score!

The very first question already had me smirking:
“Watch how you spend your money”
Thanks to Maxim I now know what I mean when I say this.
I’m actually saying: “You’re spending money we need for our future”
Hmmm…ok. Ryan’s pretty smart with his money, in fact, I’m really the one who has to watch it!
AND according to Maxim I got this little idea from an Article in the Jan. 2007 edition of Marie Claire.
Wow…and I didn’t even read that…I’m better at multi-tasking than I thought! I wish I could clean my house this way…get it done without even doing it!
According to the Maxim article, women stake their territory by reaching into their guy’s bank account.
Really?...I mean…of course! I laid awake countless nights when Ryan and I were dating trying to figure out how to mark my territory…especially since I pee sitting down. Neither of us had any money when we were dating, come to think of it…we still don’t…
Score: Me 1: Maxim 0

The next discusses the age old question: You don’t think I’m fat do you?
Maxim goes on to explain that what I really mean is when I ask this is: YOU think I’m fat. Don’t you?
This little thought was put in my head when I supposedly read People magazine’s Oct 9th 2006 issue.
Wow…so when I was asking this question of some poor unsuspecting guy way back in high school (and I did…trust me) it was just my 6th sense telling me I was going to read about it years later…so I better start asking the question…years earlier?
I actually don’t buy People magazine…okay, okay…sometimes…but it’s a rare event.
According to Maxim I’m worried I’ll get traded in for a skinnier girl and they’re advice: lie, lie LIE!
The proper response for the guy is to say: I have no idea what you are talking about, You look great.
Hmmmmm….that’s actually not a bad answer…okay…fine…BUT I’m not worried Ryan thinks I’m fat but more that with his reassurance he’ll stop the irritating voice in my head telling me I am…if only for a few minutes. However that said…I certainly don’t want a truthful answer if the answer to this question is: “Yes…I think you’re fat”
Kudos Maxim, kudos.
Score: Me 1: Maxim 1

The third question I picked was: “Do you think my friend is hot?”
Hahaha!!! Maxim just had to do this one!
According to Maxim, I’m insecure and trying to trap my man when I ask this.
Wow…like I have time to try and verbally trap Ryan…plus, if I think a friend of mine is hot (and I have a lot of hot friends!)…I’ll just say it, not ask him first!
Now THIS doozey of a question came from the article in Cosmo called “Hold His Attention Like This”…Oct 2006
…I’m quite the little magazine reader according to Maxim! Eh?
AND…Maxim minces no words with this explanation of what I’m really trying to say: “ I am a raging lunatic with massive self-esteem issues.
Yep…that about sums me up…
YIKES!
Score: Me 2: Maxim 1

So…there you have it. Maxim does have a point…but I have two…proving that I know myself better than Maxim does. Excuse me while I breathe a huge sigh of relief. Of course…Ryan did remind me that Maxim can only really profile an “average female” and that most women will disagree with one or more of the analysis’s. Okay…Ryan “the voice of reason” Metz…why must he have so much common sense?! (Ryan, if you’re reading this…LOVE YOU!!!)
Actually…what I discovered as I read the other three questions in the article was that Maxim actually had a couple more points…but we won’t go there because this is my blog.
:)
I guess in all of this I’ve learned that it’s somewhat entertaining to read an article that tries to decipher the tangled web I weave of female thought…as entertaining as Ryan might find a Cosmo article that takes a stab at analyzing what his actions, answers, kissing style or clothes say about him…
In the end it’s all relative and nothing can replace good ol’ fashioned communication!

Love Kath